i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just want to make out with him forever
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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