if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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