okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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