You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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