I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
