I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
