Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You were trust falling into bushes
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
