I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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