did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I need water and some morals
Oh god it's open bar.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
