One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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