Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
