nut hugger
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
