I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
