"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
