I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
