Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
