Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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