How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
