I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
