And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Randomize
