Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
