i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
