operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
