Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
