can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
