the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
