Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I didn't notice because vodka
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
