4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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