pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
just tell him i said nine months
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
