I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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