I smell stomach acid.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
