Your dad touched me again.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
