I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
