He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
