I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You were trust falling into bushes
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
