We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
