I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
This baby is an asshole
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
