It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He better not be in your backpack
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
