I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
