Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
