Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
