My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
please come you make the beer taste better
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
