i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
