we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
