i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
