Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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