yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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