i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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