I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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