Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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