Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
