After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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