Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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