I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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