I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
