I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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