Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
