i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She's the barista slut.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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